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blondesrbetter16
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Country: United States
State: Pennsylvania
Birthday: 5/16/1989
Gender: Female
Interests: I enjoy doing a variety of different things. I really enjoy computer arts and am beginning the saving process so i can get an IMAC!!! I really hope that i will get enough money before junior year, otherwise, i'll be upset.
Expertise: Um...i suppose i'm good at talking because i do that a lot. I'm also very flexible and good at math.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Other
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  blondesrbetter16
Member Since:
11/6/2003
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| Woww..xanga...me on.....crazy
Anyway, i decided to write today b/c on my way home from moore i
realized something that i never really took the time to notice. I guess
it was because of the recent events (me going to art school, being
friends with katie, going to long island...etc) that these thoughts
really started to come about. But the most likely reason was last
night. Sitting in rittenhouse square with katie and ben (a new
friend....ok he's more of an acquaintance who couldn't find his friends
and asked to sit with us, but shut up.....) Anyway, we started talking
about some different things which turned into a really deep discussion
about life and just stuff...he was telling us that all the thoughts
that are in our heads we control, whether he thinks about girls and sex
and money, or philosphical thoughts is up to him. That's when I started
to realize that everything i think, my depressed, angsty, teenage
thoughts are the ones that i put in there and the fact that i'm happier
now than i ever was before is because i am beginning to control my
thoughts and not fill my head with the ridiculous feelings i once did.
This led to my other conclusion, if you surround yourself with angsty,
depressed teenagers that's where you'll get those thoughts. Which was a
continuous chain until i got to the realization that i have become more
independent now, then i ever was at any point in time. Yes i still hold
my family and friends close but i'm able to go out in the world, walk
down the street and not care what i am wearing as long as i'm
comfortable with myself. I can help out peopel who need it because i've
helped myself. I've finally been putting my needs in a high priority
realizing that i am nothing if i don't let myself be something.
So why does all this really matter to anyone, or to me? because i
finally walked down the street and had a conversation with a
construction worker about trucks because he was working alone and i
thought he might have been lonely. So I stepped out of my bubble and
chatted with him. Maybe that didn't mean much to him but for me, it was
a prime example of how once you have fulfilled your needs you can try
and assist others to fulfill theirs.
I'm not saying there's no such thing as depression or there aren't
people out there with issues but people need to stop allowing
themselves to get to that point. People who have serious problems I
think should be given the help they want and continue with their lives,
but the people who do the depression act for attention, the people who
sit there in a corner whining because their favorite shoe is ruined
need to get a life, they need to realize that it's nothing, ABSOLUTELY
NOTHING to complain about. So stop being so self absorbed and grow up.
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| I'll be coming home
just to be alone
Cause I know you're not there
And I know you don't care
I can hardly wait to leave this place
No matter how hard I try
You're never satisfied
This is not a home
I think I'm better off alone
You always disappear
Even when you're here
This is not my home
I think I'm better off alone
Home, this house is not a home
By the time you come home
I'm already stoned
You turn off the tv
And you scream at me
I can hardly wait
til you get off my case
-Three Days Grace
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| Last night was fun - hanging out with Ahs, Rach, Lindsay and Rob...YAY BERRIES!!! lol
I made some velveeta mac and cheese for breakfast this morning, the
highlight of my day...which is kinda sad i guess, but w/e considering
my entire day was catching up on the sleep i haven't gotten lately not
much exciting happened, plus it was snowing all day so i wasn't allowed
out...i was suppose to go to becca's so we could study together for
midterms but b/c of the snow that was cancelled and thats when i went
to bed...actually watched tv and ended up falling asleep until my mom
woke me up for dinner which was pizza...that was yummy but i was mad to
find out my mac and cheese had been consumed, i wanted that instead of
the pizza......
Anyway, you know how sometimes you're listening to music and you have
the option to like "shuffle" or w/e....well i did that to my entire
library (like i was playing my entire library and did shuffle) and all
these songs that are like sad keep playing...i think it's a
sign.....lol....i haven't quite figured out what the sign is for
but...that's not important...hehe
I wish people were nice to each other...i mean like not necessarily
EVERYONE i'm not stupid, i know that would never work....but like if
you call yourself someones friend, i wish they wouldn't like stab you
in the back, or stab you in the front for that matter, but that's
better than the back b/c then they wouldn't get you're spine....well
they could....but AHHH ADD!!! i can't stand
it....FOCUS...ok....anyway...i'm just getting kinda upset about the
whole online wars...i mean, i know our group or w/e you wanna call it
has problems but seriously i never thought we would be so pathetic that
we can't just TALK!!!!!!! we have to go bashing them behind their
backs...why can't we just work things out between the people and
everyone else stop getting involved and those people don't drag ANYONE
else into it they just make it between themselves.......
And isn't the point of being in like a relationship
(boyfirned/girlfriend i mean) is to like care about that person and
make them feel more special then they would without you...and like show
they how much they matter to you.....then why the hell would you find
their flaws and look at those, if you're gonna do that don't make them
stay attached to you and think that you love them.....
That's another thing...i wish people wouldn't say they loved you unless
they actually meant it...i mean if someone doesn't honestly LOVE you
and truly care about you and you're well being and stuff, why are they
gonna tell you that they love you and make them think that they love
you and then you invest all of your time and energy and EVERYTHING into
a relationship that ends and then you're lost and you don't know what
to do and you have to make new friends and start from scratch and
figure out your ENTIRE life all over again..........sorry, just
venting...probably not even making sense....do i ever?
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| I feel like i'm about to cry...I started reading peoples xanga's and i responded to a few people...maybe you are the lucky one
Anyway things that are on my mind:
*Friends
*How everythings changed
*The internet wars between everyone
*All of my friends relationships
*My lack of a relationship
*My parents
AHHH the bell just rang i'll explain everything later
Love ya'll | | |
| I haven't written in like forever...kinda crazy i know...but somehow posting my heart on the web just became...unappealing....i told you i know i'm crazy...lol...but yea so i decided that since i'm bored and it's study hall that while becca makes funny faces at me and dances to music that we are listening to in my mom's room that i would for the first time in...forever...write a xanga. So yea, that's what's happening right now......ok...well if you actually want to know how i'm doing you can....idk..call me, im me, or walk up to me and (heaven forbid) talk to me *shutters*...ok love ya
<3 Diana
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